‘Twas the night before Christmas, and all through our flat,
The wine had been poured, Cheryl in her Christmas hat.
The chocolate wrappers were scattered on the table and floor,
As I frantically clutched my stomach and moaned, “No more!”
Ben was asleep and snoring in Cheryl’s bed,
As he quickly buggered off after he was fed.
I in my sparkly dress, and Cheryl in her gown,
Were slumped on the couch after our night out on the town.
When from the hall table, the phone gave a loud ring,
I sprang from the couch, to see who was calling.
“Just me dear!” She sang into the phone,
White I silently groaned and wished I wasn’t home.
With Cliff Richards playing in the background, it could be no other,
I knew in a moment it must be my Mother.
“Just wondering how you are doing with all of that bloody snow.
I’ve had Carlos shovelling every five minutes, you know.”
I assured her we were fine, though Cheryl was getting a cold,
When I was told to keep warm and sanitize anything Cheryl may hold.
She told me of her Christmas plans, though they’re the same each year.
As the years go on, she is losing it a bit, I fear.
I leave on Christmas morning, to my Mum’s house I go,
With packages wrapped all in paper and bows.
Mum grabs them one by one the second I arrive,
She doesn’t even ask me about the long drive.
She anxiously waits by the tree to open them all up,
While I am in the kitchen pouring vodka into my cup.
She oohs and aahs over every single one,
And then asks me for the gift receipt once we are done.
Aunty Beryl always joins us for our Christmas tea,
Then gets sloshed and knocks over the tree.
We end the night by singing our favourite Christmas songs,
Though Mum trying to sing the high note in “O Holy Night” always goes wrong.
I promise to be there first thing in the morning,
Hang up the phone, but Cheryl is already pouring.
A glass of wine as courage for tomorrow’s big day,
In anticipation, I’m sure, of what my mother might say.
I shake my head but remember some have no family to visit at Christmas time,
Though, if they are sad about this they are welcome to mine!
All kidding aside, I look forward to seeing Mum and Aunty Beryl,
And yes, even singing the dreaded Christmas carols.
A new year is upon us, which is exciting yet scary,
I’ve made some goals, though I would be lying if I said I wasn’t weary.
Resolutions to make and break, hoping to lose the Christmas weight fast,
And wouldn’t it be great to have a handsome, rich boyfriend at last!
I started this blog, not really knowing what to do,
And for its success, I feel I owe thanks to all of you.
So for those who have been reading, you are all a beautiful sight,
Merry Christmas to you all, and to all a good-night!
To learn more about Natalie and what she is up to, please visit Natalie’s Nook.
Photographer: Salvatore Vuono